day 4 ~ who am i

4 days after i press the button...

i started to realize when time pass by...
who am i?
i really wonder...
today i had been control..
from head to toe...
every second, minute and hour...
slowly..
i starting to realise i am changing...
from myself to who i dont know...
since i lost you..
i lost myself..
slowly i going to turn into someone else...
wat will i become..
i start to wonder..
am i going to turn into wat you wan me to be?
i confuse, depress, suffer...
who i am?
tell me if you can....

more tattoo design~

during Atomic Jaya rehearsal.. i too bored and nothing to do.. so i start take out my pencil and start drawing on a few more design for my new tattoo.. due to too many choice now.. so i hope you all able to suggest to me wat is nice~

oh ya.. i lazy to draw another half of the butterfly.. it suppose to have another half which i last to copy.. lol ==

above designs including the one i posted yesterday~ pls have a look at it.. i really wish to hear some words from you all ^^ ty ty~~

this coloured butterfly is coloured by Grace while she was Sm~ing me during my Mr Teng rehearsal.. lol.. nice sia~ =]

replacement class (≥▽≤)

today Atomic Jaya have replacement rehearsal cause last week is Merdeka~ so we have to replace our Monday class today =.=ll then.. i borrow the studio key from Sharmila yesterday.. but then who knows.. Sek Thim wan to use the RTT itself =.= RTT suppose to use for shooting today.. but.. shooting cancel cause no one bring my Maths formula paper==

so i borrow the key for nothing =.= and becoz i brought all my camera there.. hehe.. photo time!! so.. while my director, Sek Thim is being serious direct the actors... i busy taking ppl photo.. =p

i'm more bored cause Grace took over my SM job today for morning section.. so i can do more weird thing with my camera~


i even took my monkey, the handphone hanger (which looks like my Piggy~ haha!).. and i twist the head around so that it looks like me?... see following picture~

TA DA!! hahaha.. soon i going to have a new nickname.. from Piglet to Tortoise to Monkey? hahah.. this is why they should give me something to do while others are rehearsing..


so this is how my rehearsal in college go for today~ haha.. oh ya~ after all the pic.. i even.... (≥▽≤)

=P

nailz new design~

is time for me to change my nails deign again~ haiz.. nothing to do.. so this is the best time to change my nails design~

before i remover my nail polish.. the design before..

put on base...

white colour background..

light green second layer.. side way..

aqua green.. side also..

use white squeezy polish to dot the white dots..

final top coat.. to make it more shine~

tat's all you need for this design...

lol.. seriously i too free and nothing to do.. all by myself in the room.. so.. while doing my rehearsal report.. i paint my nails at the same time.. =p

tattoo design~

i was planning to get my final tattoo on my right hand wrist.. and i decided to design the tatto myself.. and i want a butterfly...





but i cant decide the colour of the tatto.. is the black nicer or the coloured one? hope to hear some comment from you all =] ty~

day 3~ sunrise

3 days after i press the button..

then i bring you to the beach..

we watched sunrise together..

we sat at the beach.. from 5am to 9pm..

i talk to you..

i sing you your favourite song..

we had brakfast togther..

i tell you how i feel..

i know you cant reply me..

but i know this will be my last time to tell you..

how much i love you..
how much i care for you..

how much i miss you..

thanks for being there for me all the time..

although things had up and down..

but every moment we had is precious and wonderful..

then i release you like ashes flying follow by the wind..

i see you go by the wind..

i can feel that you are everywhere now..

everywhere i go..

i see you..

i hear you..

i feel you..

at least i know you are always beside me no matter where i am now..

you are not only in my heart, but my thought and my memories..

one month anniversary..

"happy one month anniversary!!" i said..

"happy anniversary baby!" he said..

but why am i not happy?

suppose to be a happy happy day..

but i am lying down all alone on my cold freezing bed..

am i waiting for someone to appear or something to happen?

i dont think so..

i only know, i have wishes today~

i wish he is happy always..

i wish he will be enjoying the things he is doing..

i wish he is fine with his parents..

and i wish.. he enjoy his bbq today with all his frenz!!

just to let you know tat i will be fine..

no matter where you are..

you will always be in my heart..

thank you for being there for me..

i love you..

day 2 ~ raining day

2 days after i press the button..it rain badly today...

from day till nite, till now...

the rain sounds like me crying for you..

like the world is crying over your leaving..

today..

i pick you up from where i press the button..

what i get is only ashes, memories and tears...

after bringing you home..

i still feel lonely..

cause you're still not around...

i heard echo, echo of your voice..

when i look back..

is still the same..

same like each day since you left me..

piglet went shopping~

while walking around for food in Sunway Pyramid after rehearsal.. Grace and i went window shopping and then.. *cough* shopping... so i bought...

2 set of cute little pyjamas in a bag from Nichii...

an cute little angel eggie necklace...

a new bag for my file.. cause after taking over SM temporary (means more files).. and my bag.. can't fit...

a handphone hanger.. cause it looks like my piggy =]

anyway.. both of us had a great time shopping together... then.. i send Grace home after shopping... then i head to somewhere i can spend some quiet time alone~

releasing stress...

you know wat can you do to release stress when you are about to over work yourself?? this is how i do it.. a cup of icy chocolate blended with chocolate ice-cream... from San Francisco Coffee...

cold drink can make you release your stress.. cause it gives you brain freeze tat freezes your brain which makes you cant think for a few second.. so when you dont think.. your stress will release automatically at that moment... =]

day 1~ loneliness..

1 day after i press the button..

i feel lonely.. i feel alone..

i realize, i need you...

i start to remember everything about you...

now i realize.. i miss you scolding me..

i want you to scold me..

i know how we use to argue over those little things..

i miss those arguments..

i want you to be there to argue with me like we use to..

today.. i heard your voice everywhere i go..

just like you are there beside me..

like how you used to call me...

i miss those voice of yours..

those voice keeps coming back to me..

i want you back.. i miss you so bad~

I MISS YOU!!

i done something bad today..

today dam shack and hell tired.. and stress... i got scolded cause the progression is slow like hell this morning... wat to do.. i SM ma... "Grace!! when are you coming back!!"... so i did something bad~ i smoked... i was holding the cig in rtt before the break.. when it break.. i just when to "genting" and smoke the hell out of me...


anyway.. as i promise my piggy.. this will be my first and finally time i smoke.. no next time.. i PROMISE!! sorry piggy..

i'm shack~

lol.. you know wat u need to do before set up your green screen and make sure it looks good and smooth?? haha... iron it.. see how i do it~



after iron it.. make sure dont fold it.. PLS.. don ever fold it.. this material is very sensitive... VERY.. and i mean it... =.=

and the whole day.. is only shooting and shooting for BBC and CNN newsreader... not only make-up for them but also make sure that everything runs under control... abit regret to be the SM now... coz.. once you are not the SM from the beginning.. it is hard...

tat's all i left...

thank you for being there for me when i need someone...

cause...

i left you to talk to when i need a listener..

i left you to be there for me when i feel alone..

i left you in my heart when i miss someone...

i left you hugging me when i want to cry..

i left you cheering me when i am down..

i left you by my side to make me feel secure..

i left you to tuck me into bed to make me sleep tight..

i left you cause you are the only one left for me..

i left you... tat's all i left...

finally i press the button...

i know after i press the button, you will be away from me...

i know after i press the button, i will not see you anymore...

i know after i press the button, you will just stays in my heart..

i know after i press the button, i will be all alone...

i know after i press the button, things will never be the same again..

i know after i press the button, things will only become memories..

i know after i press the button, the sorrow will still stays in me..

i know after i press the button, there is no more you and me...

i know after i press the button, you will become ashes...

BUT, finally i press the button...

i know you like this~

mooncake festival is coming.. and i know you like this... before i see you in the hospital.. i when to buy this little tortoise mooncakes an a pig one for you... i remember you said.. it looks cute.. so when you eat it.. it taste nicer...


this is the one and only pig i found in the shop.. they told me it sold out already.. and this is the last one they have.. so.. i cant have one for myself.. i decided to gift it to you... hope you able to taste it...

the tortoise looks really adorable!! so i steal one of it from your bag and eat it.. and i tell you.. it is REALLY good... i hope you will love it....

so.. i think this is the best i can do for you at the very last moment... i just want you to know that.. no matter wat happen last time.. it is a past.. you are always in my heart... I love you!! missing you badly~

memories....

do you remember this place? is raining outside.. like the last time you came back from japan... we when here to have our last shopping together and lunch... is really memorable for me... today looks exactly like 2 weeks ago...

remember we walk out from the shopping mall after we shop for clothes and shoes? then we walk all the way down to the Empress Cafe for lunch...

we sat there at the white sits outside till the rain fall on us.. then we grab our food and run into the shop.. tat moment were fun.. i remember i said.. "this is really fun!!" and you still scold me cause you said.. sitting outside is a stupid idea...

then... we when up and trying to walk to the place where i am standing now by crossing the bridge... cause the rain were heavy.. we ran all the way into the mall... both of us were half wet..

then.. end up we settle on the spot where i am now to have a cup of warm water and low-fat ice-cream before we head home... those moment were fun.. and each time i come here.. i will never forget you.. you are always in my heart.. alwayz~ missing you!!